Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
