Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
