You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
