thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
