I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
