I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
