I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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