kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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