I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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