one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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