I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
