the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
