Taylor Swift is so right about you.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
