Yo dont text me then not text me
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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