dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often