Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....