It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.