oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.