you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
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was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.