from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
