im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
