She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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