Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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