I want you more than these girls want KFC
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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