MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
