it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
