I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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