Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
