Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
