and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
