I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
