A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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