I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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