and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
