Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Come see our sink grown plant.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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