Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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