So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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