We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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