My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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