theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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