When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
