He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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