Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
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well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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