I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
