dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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