my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
