hotel room ftw
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize