The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
