pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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