so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
