I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
