i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
