this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
