i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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