remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
