And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?