yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant