i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did