I must be too annoying 4 u.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO