I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
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He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."