I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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