Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
