youre lurking in front of me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
