She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
