just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
