How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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