i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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