I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
