Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
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