If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
