I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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