census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
