we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
