i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My ATM looks so different sober.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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