Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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